Five Minute Friday: Afraid
Okay, so here's my second goal for each week -- to write for five minutes to the prompt given by Lisa-Jo Baker, at her blog: Tales from a Gypsy Mama
The challenge is to free write to the prompt, unedited, for five minutes.
So, here I GO:
I stand before my God and wonder what He thinks of me. I know the Bible tells me He loves me, but I feel His love through the touch of those around me. When that touch isn't loving, it is hard to not compare people to God. But they are not God, they are like me -- afraid. What would life look like if I didn't walk in so much fear? Fear of rejection, fear of comparison, fear of ruining my kids, ruining my dinner, ruining my life. What could I do each day if I approached it with wreckless abandon? If I only took with me the desire to see the face of Jesus, to please Him, to do as the Word says, to meditate on thankfulness, things that I have and things that I do not have, and how that makes me who I am. And how blessed I truly am, even though I'm afraid. Even knowing the fear is a blessing because it forces me to look at how I see things, how I feel, and what I want. It makes me not take life for granted. So what do I do with all this fear? Where do I put it? Where does it come from? I wonder if I fear the questions or the answers, and it is no wonder that I'm afraid of trying to be strong because I feel boxed in. What if I don't do IT right, whatever IT may be? What then? Do I really care what anyone else thinks, as long as I please my Lord and Savior? What do I really fear?
I'm writing for the sake of writing here; and not editing, not rearranging my words, is hard for me.
But, as Lisa-Jo says on her blog, we are fingerpainting with words. And fingerpainting is messy.
So be it.
Maybe some grand revelation will come to me in the midst of writing like this. And maybe not. Only God knows.
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