Wednesday Wisdom: Examining Our Ways

Looking back years past on the choices I made and the paths that I took when I had my first taste of real freedom, I see clearly how my unwise decisions have caused me a great deal of pain and suffering. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.

But when I was in the middle of making those decisions, I felt like I was doing the right thing. I was exercising my rights and my freedom to choose for myself what I would do. And it felt good. Initially.

So I wonder what I am doing today that seems right to me, but may have negative consequences for my tomorrows. What I do today will affect how my life is years from now, as well as the lives of my children, either for good or for bad. I want my decisions to be made with godly wisdom.


James 3:17 says:

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."

Godly wisdom says I should think about my motives (are they pure?) and that I not demand that everyone stop bugging me when I'm trying to get something done (am I peaceable?).

Godly wisdom says I need to watch my response when I've heard "Mama?" for the seven hundredth time in an hour (am I being gentle?); and it tells me I need to be willing to yield my desires for the sake of my family (am I being reasonable or perfectionistic?).

Am I giving my husband and my kids the same mercy I want from them? Do I expect good fruit to come from my "wisdom" if I'm inconsistent (instead of being unwavering, no matter how exhausted I feel)?

And, what am I showing my kids? Am I teaching them by my words and actions that I believe what the Bible says? They are watching me (yell about the driver pulling out in front of me when I'm in a hurry), and they see if I live what I say I believe. Hypocrisy does not go unnoticed.

To help me to walk in godly wisdom, I am memorizing this scripture (for starters), because my mouth is a great source of woe in my life:

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue," (Proverbs 31:26 NASB)"

How about you? I encourage you to examine your ways, and ask yourself  if your house is full of peace.

If not, ask God to show you an area in which you need to apply godly wisdom.

If your house is peaceful and you feel like all is well, ask Him to show you if you have any pride that needs to submit to His wisdom. (Sometimes family goes along with what we moms want, just to keep the peace.)

And, if you care to, let me know how that goes. 


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{Homeschool} Tip Tuesday: Modeling

It is a false mentality that we have as homeschooling parents that we are doing a disservice to our kids when we show them how to do something.

Modeling is important. We all learn by example, but somehow we think that examples are taboo when teaching our kids. We can't give them an example of what to write, an example of an equation for a word problem, etc. If we do that, we are giving them the answers.

But why do we think that is bad? We want them to do their work, to do it right, and to do it well. What better way to ensure success than to show them what we expect?

The same goes for their character. We need to show them how someone acts kindly. They need to see us modeling patience and generosity. Selfless acts by us (with a good attitude) will teach them to get along with others and not to demand their rights.

Ask God to show you how the modeling in your home needs to change and grow. Everyone can learn from this type of teaching!

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Marriage Monday: Like vs. Love

My son was whacked in the elbow by a bat when he was playing catcher at a Little League game last night, and we ended up at a hospital getting x-rays to make sure it was not broken. It was swollen and bruised but—thankfully—not broken.

Husband was off today, and since our son is not allowed to do any sports-related activity until Thursday, I thought it would be nice to see a movie tonight as a family, on this rare activity-free evening together.

Husband said no.

Later, while I'm grilling chicken for dinner, Husband announces that he forgot about his club meeting tonight at 6:30, and promptly gathers his things and leaves.

So, I finish making dinner and the rest of us eat.  I'm sitting at my computer, and as is so typical of the perfect timing of our Sovereign God, I opened a post from a marriage blog that I am subscribed to.

Are you ready for this? The topic is "Why I Like My Husband."

Yep. And she invited us readers to comment with why we like our husbands.

I'll be honest and say my first thought was to comment with, "But, I don't like him."  Instead, I maintained self-control, and pondered the difference between liking and loving someone.

I know it is easier to love someone than it is to like them. Love is not a feeling, it is a decision. And you show it through your sacrifice and devotion to someone, even if you don't like how they act or what they do.

As Amy said in her post, you can love someone without liking them. I think that is because love is often self-serving and tied up in expectations (like us wanting the same loving treatment back).

But I think liking someone is about the good and honorable things you see in a person, independent of his or her feelings for you. It is self-less admiration of another, with no strings attached. And this can be hard, liking someone, especially in a marriage where words or actions cause wounds that go deep.

My husband and I will celebrate 15 years together on July 25th (our first date), so I'm starting now to make a list of 15 things I like about him.

I think this is a key to unlocking some serious heart stuff in my marriage. (Mostly because I don't want to do it, and my flesh usually resists that which is good for me.)

I challenge you to do the same for your husband.

Whether you have a seemingly perfect marriage or one that is on the rocks, pray and ask God to help you to see things that you like about your man. Ask God to help you to remember qualities that attracted you to your husband in the beginning, and things you discovered later that are wonderful.

I bet he will like it.


And if you care to, let me know how that goes.

{Homeschool} Tip Tuesday: Keeping A Journal

Have you ever went through your school day at top speed, but at the end of it you can't really remember all that you did?

Does your husband walk in the door and ask, "So what did you do in school today?" and all you can remember is the laundry and housework that you did?

I assure you, more of what you accomplish will stick with you as your kids are older. But even then, and even if you are a planner extraordinaire, you can benefit from keeping a journal. (After all, planning can be fun and exciting, but execution doesn't always go as well as we planned because life happens, right?)

One of the hardest parts of keeping a journal can be deciding what medium you will use. For me, paper works the best. Recording everything on a computer leads to other things, like checking email or blog posts, and the next thing I know I've wasted an hour sitting at my desk.

Here is how I did it when I worked as an administrative and  engineering assistant for a local NASA contactor. I had a dated book, and I listed each task as I did it. Nothing too verbose; just a simple line to indicate what I did. It served not only to help boost my feelings of productivity at the end of the day, but it was also a great record to have, in case I needed to know when I did what.

Don't bog down with the format or expense. There is a plethora of journals out there, and an office-supply junkie like myself can obsess about the paper and the pen. A simple spiral or composition notebook will do (just be sure to date your entries).Keep it open in the kitchen or on a table somewhere close by, and every time you finish something with your child, jot it down.

And remember, brevity is the key to consistency, here. You are not writing a narrative, just a brief summary of your day's activities. Feel free to fill in the details later in the evening, but don't spend two hours staying up until midnight doing it, or you'll be too tired to get up the next morning, and your routine will tank.

Another fun thing about this is you may discover little notes or artwork added by your children throughout the day, which is another way to feel good about how your day went (even if it didn't go the way you wanted it to go).

Tuesday link-up
 

Marriage Monday: Are You Praiseworthy?

Many women feel taken for granted by their husbands. I know I have.

When we allow this line of thinking to breed in our minds, it directly affects our behavior. Then we act in a way that does not honor or respect our husband, which causes him to react negatively.  And we get wounded.

Can you see the vicious cycle?

While I cannot promise a cure to keep your feelings from ever being hurt, I have a suggestion that has worked for me:

Remember that your husband is a man.

A sinner. Just like you.

So give him the same grace you would like to have.

Ruth Bell Graham (Billy Graham's wife)said this:

"It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be," ("It's My Turn," page 74).

When we expect our husbands to love and praise us, do we want them to have to be on their faces in intercessory prayer for the power to do it? Someone has to make the first move.

It is not my husband's job to give me my sense of self-worth and value, but when I feel taken for granted I try to pull compliments out of him to boost my feelings in those areas. The bad thing about that is those compliments don't satisfy, since I have to ask for them.

Although Proverbs 31 is a sore spot for many women, this verse is key in getting some genuine kudos from our husbands:

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised," (Proverbs 31:30 NASB)."

 The effects of gravity and aging will change your appearance and abilities over the years. Getting compliments from your husband will not keep you content. You must find your worth in Jesus Christ alone.

When the feelings of neglect or lack of confidence start to creep in, check yourself. Are you hormonal? (This is a big one for this peri-menopausal woman!) Are you tired? Have you mismanaged your time or finances? Sometimes our feelings come from conviction over a lack of obedience in things we know we are supposed to be (or not to be) doing.

Most importantly, are you spending quality time in the Word, memorizing scripture to meditate upon, and pouring out your heart to God in prayer? He knows your heart even better than you do, and He knows what you need to feel fulfilled.

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The Invisible Woman {video}

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers! What a blessing it is to raise children!

If you are one who feels invisible and taken for granted, I pray that this video encourages you to work for a reward that is far beyond thank you's or earthly kudos.

God sees everything. We are not invisible to Him.

You Are Mighty, Because You Mother