Last night I brought up to my husband that I felt convicted about something that has been taking time away from my family.
I have used lots of excuses about how I'm terrible at time management (I am), and how I get overly perfectionistic in my organizing and planning (I do), but I finally had to admit that I am not following God's will with regard to putting my family first over ministry.
This is something that has been quietly brewing in me for a while, and a devotional a friend sent to me confirmed what I've been feeling.
I know the truth. God is asking me to make Him first, and my husband second, my kids third, management of my home next. And after I'm doing a good job prioritizing the first four things, then comes ministry.
After I voiced my convictions, my husband felt free to share his feelings. Sharing is good, right? Only I became defensive, and I started to argue my point of view, and the whole thing degenerated into my feeling like he had brought up the subject in the first place and was telling me what to do because I wasn't doing "my job" at home right.
My husband was not lording his authority over me, or criticizing me in any way. All he did was agree with my assessment; but my flesh didn't like it, because my flesh wants to run the show.
My sinful nature bucks at the truth. It tells me things like "your needs are important" and "you deserve to _______(fill in the blank with whatever my flesh wants at that moment)" or "just because you are his wife does not mean you are his slave."
I realize how ridiculous I was being. I also realize how obvious it is that my original conviction was from God. If it wasn't, my flesh wouldn't have cared one whit. If we are going with the devil's plans for us, he lets us coast. It is only when we try to amend our course that he starts poking our flesh.
And so, once again, God is showing me that HE is the standard by which I measure myself. HE is the reason I have worth (not my ministry, or how people see me in that role). I am valuable because I am made in HIS image—not an image I try to create for myself.
The truth hurts, but it is a good pain. Like rubbing a sore muscle, it works out the sinful kinks and helps us to move more freely down the narrow path.
(Disclosure: I did not time myself for five minutes with this one...)
How about you? Do you struggle with being obedient in areas like this? Wives, when God asks you to lay something down for the sake of your husband, do you do it willingly? Or do you fight it?
Linking with others for
Simply Helping Him-Wisdom Wednesday